she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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