The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
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You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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