I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I love you. Go after that dick
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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