I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize