I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
