bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
