Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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