i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
