This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
