What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Text me some of your sweat
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
