Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
