So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Don't EVER smell your tampon
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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