He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
