He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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