I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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