Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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