I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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