Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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