I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
