I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
