guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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