So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
