awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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