When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
