Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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