Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
