he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
