You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
