Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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