I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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