Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Rumble strips road head = magical
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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