is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
