me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
