maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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