Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
