She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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