I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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