why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
babies were throwing up all over the place
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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