Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Are we still banned from the library?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
