did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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