I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
