I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I need water and some morals
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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