dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
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I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
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You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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