Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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