you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
