Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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