everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
