i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
