So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You pole danced in your parka.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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