Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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