I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
