If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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