You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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