How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
