She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We are all done wearing pants today
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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