my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Let's paint friendship bongs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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