it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
No stitches, just platelets and will power
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
