I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think your dad took our porno
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
