3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
only you would photoshop your dick
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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