I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
